My Weight Loss Journey: Finding Myself in My New Body
Okay, I’m going to be honest. I’m 30 years old, and I love it—no complaints here. What that means, though, is that my teenage years were in the 2000s. So before I get into my weight loss, let’s cue the magazine cover montage of how vital it was to be dangerously skinny during my formative teen years. Like many of my peers, I struggled with self-love, body image, and disordered eating well into my early 20s.
I don’t want anyone to feel lesser than or not enough due to weight, and I definitely don’t want to put a hyperfocus on my physical appearance for the world to poke and prod at. I am not a fitness instructor, doctor, or health guru, and I have deep respect for those who are. That being said, I will share about my weight loss, what it means to me, why I did it, and where I am at with it all.
The Beginning of My Weight Loss Journey
I recently lost 55 pounds following the birth of my daughter. My weight had slowly crept up over the past few years, as it tends to do. Before I had my son, I weighed about 185-190 pounds. After my son, my weight climbed to 210 pounds, and I eventually lost it down to 195. At 5’9”, I’ve always felt larger than my friends, though hindsight tells me I wasn’t. Around 27 years old, I decided to say “eff it” and aimed to love the skin I was in. I found comfort in Instagram accounts like @thebirdspapaya, but honestly, I felt such relief while pregnant.
I never felt like I “glowed” or had a cute little bump while pregnant. That was not me. Ever. But I did feel like I had a reason to breathe for the first time in my life. I was praised for my belly, despite knowing it was mostly bloat for a while, and I didn’t care how tight my clothes were. My first pregnancy came with severe edema. My students called my legs gummy bears because you could poke them and a dent would stay—for hours. It was wild. I felt uncomfortable, but not with how I looked. I even doubled my lip size without fillers, thanks to pregnancy hormones. Ultimately, my weight rose to 260 pounds by the time I gave birth.
Postpartum and Weight Fluctuations
Postpartum with my son, I hit month 9 and could feel my hormones reset. I started losing weight magically, dropping to around 195 without much effort. It was hard not to be happy about it. Then, as luck would have it, I was pregnant again. This time, I had severe pelvic pain and took a month off work before my daughter was born to be on bedrest. I was medically sedentary. This pregnancy, my weight rose to 245 at birth. Three months postpartum, I settled in at 220.
My fear was that, prior to my pregnancy with my son, I struggled with insulin levels and was looking at Type 2 Diabetes. This time, I weighed more and knew my hormones would prevent any swift loss. My doctor and I agreed to start medication to support my blood sugar. Not Ozempic or Wegovy, but something to regulate my blood sugar. Once my levels were regulated, I started losing weight. After hitting 205, I began moving more. We got a rower (like this one: https://amzn.to/3zOeEFn *) , and I walked with the kids. It felt great to move again.
Rediscovering Joy in Movement and Cooking
The pregnancy cravings left, and I found joy in cooking. I didn’t make particularly “healthy” meals, but I used real ingredients and avoided DoorDash. I started losing more weight. Once I hit 185, it felt amazing. I played with my son, took care of my daughter, and cruised down with mindful consumption, averaging about a pound a week for a few months. Now, I’ve hit 165. I wasn’t even 165 at our wedding. It’s been ages.
But let me tell you the funny thing about weight—it’s just a number. I am not toned. My body has carried two children, and my skin is loose. My stomach carries fat differently, and my butt, my best asset my whole life, is gone. I’ve dropped pant sizes, but I’m still a mother. My next step is incorporating more movement and strength training to support my body. This entire process I used my FitTrack scale (* https://amzn.to/3LwiFkb) to stay on top of all of my numbers, which in their app, I was able to track body fat, muscle weight, water percentage, and so much more. This I perhaps loved most because even when I wasn’t losing weight, my body composition was changing. I was influenced to purchase it myself and am so happy I did.
The Fashion Challenge
One side effect I didn’t account for was fashion. I have entirely lost my ability to dress myself. I am different now, inside and out. I don’t know what size I wear, and I don’t really know how I look. I have spent three years in the thick of motherhood, and trends have come and gone. Now, I’m on a journey to find myself in my new body.
Conclusion
My weight loss journey is ongoing, and it’s about more than just numbers on a scale. It’s about finding joy in movement, rediscovering a love for cooking, and navigating the challenges of motherhood. It’s also about learning to love the skin I’m in, regardless of size. If you’re on a similar journey, know that it’s okay to struggle, and it’s okay to seek support. Embrace the process, and remember that your worth is not defined by your weight.
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