Yesterday, I walked into the salon for what I thought would be a routine hair appointment, a small escape from the everyday. I always look forward to these visits—not just because I enjoy getting my hair done, but because I genuinely love the conversations I have with the two amazing hairdressers there. We typically find ourselves deep in discussion, sharing stories and a few laughs, and this time was no different. But as I sat in the chair, our conversation took an unexpected turn.
One of the hairdressers mentioned that she had found my blog. Now, this isn’t the first time someone I know has told me they’ve stumbled upon my blog or new instagram, but instead of feeling proud or flattered, I was instantly mortified. My mind raced with a mix of embarrassment and self-consciousness. Why did I react this way? Why does it feel so different when someone I know reads my words compared to a stranger?
As I reflected on this reaction, I started to realize that my embarrassment wasn’t really about the blog or the content itself—it was about my fear of being judged. And that fear, I quickly understood, stemmed from my own tendency to judge others. If I didn’t judge others so harshly, would I still feel this vulnerable when someone I know reads my work? This realization hit me hard and forced me to confront a part of myself that I’m not particularly proud of.
The Mirror of Judgment
Judgment, I’ve realized, is a mirror. When I judge others, I’m often projecting my own fears and insecurities onto them. My embarrassment wasn’t really about my blog or the person reading it—it was about my fear of being judged in the same way I sometimes judge others.
This moment of clarity was both uncomfortable and freeing. Uncomfortable because it forced me to confront a part of myself that I’d rather not acknowledge, and freeing because it gave me the opportunity to change. Judgment, I’ve come to see, is not a reflection of the person being judged, but a reflection of the person doing the judging. It’s a personality flaw that I need to work on, and it’s something I’m committed to addressing.
The Fear of Vulnerability
One of the things I’ve come to understand is that judgment often stems from a fear of vulnerability. When I write about topics I’m passionate about—like writing itself—I feel confident and secure. I’m comfortable in that space because it’s a part of my identity that I’m proud of. But when it comes to sharing personal aspects of my life, the ground feels shakier. There’s a fear that by revealing too much, I’m opening myself up to judgment, not just from strangers, but from people who know me.
This fear even extends to how I view my husband’s work. He creates content that he’s passionate about, and it’s something he excels at. Yet, when I see his posts, I sometimes feel an irrational sense of embarrassment, as if I’m cringing on his behalf. But I know that this reaction isn’t about his content at all—it’s about my own insecurities. It’s a reflection of my fear of being judged and my struggle with vulnerability. He’s doing wonderful things, and I admire his confidence, but it also highlights how much I hold myself back from fully embracing and sharing my own journey.
This fear is magnified when it comes to people from my past life as a teacher. There’s a part of me that worries they might see me as just another “wannabe blogger,” someone who left a “real” job and now spends her time dabbling in creative pursuits without a clear direction. The thought of being dismissed or judged for making a choice that doesn’t fit the traditional mold is something that I struggle with. It’s as if I’m constantly battling this internal narrative that says I need to prove that what I’m doing is valuable and meaningful.
The Path Forward
I’m not going to pretend that I have all the answers or that I’ll suddenly stop being judgmental overnight. This isn’t a how-to guide; it’s a reflection on a moment that made me realize how much work I still have to do. Judgment is ingrained, a habit that’s been with me for a long time. But now that I’m aware of it, I can start to make conscious changes.
One of the first steps I’m taking is to catch myself in the act. When I feel that familiar twinge of judgment, I’m going to pause and ask myself why. What is it about this person or situation that’s triggering this response in me? What fear or insecurity am I projecting? By doing this, I hope to not only curb my judgmental tendencies but also understand myself better.
I’m also reflecting on why I feel embarrassed about sharing certain parts of myself. Is it because I’m afraid of being vulnerable? Am I worried that people will judge me for stepping away from a traditional career path? These are questions I’m still exploring, but acknowledging them is the first step toward overcoming them.
Embracing Imperfection
Part of this journey is also about embracing imperfection—both in myself and in others. I’ve realized that a lot of my judgment comes from an unrealistic expectation of perfection, whether it’s in how I present myself, how others should behave, or how life should unfold. But life isn’t perfect, and neither am I. By accepting this, I can start to let go of the need to control everything, and instead, learn to appreciate the beauty in the imperfect, the messy, and the real.
This is where vulnerability comes in. Sharing the parts of myself that aren’t polished, that aren’t perfectly curated, is scary. But it’s also necessary. It’s in those moments of vulnerability that true connections are made, where real growth happens. I’m learning that it’s okay to be seen in all my flawed humanity, to share my journey with others, even when it feels uncomfortable.
A Work in Progress
This journey is just beginning for me, and I know it’s going to take time. I’ll likely stumble along the way, falling back into old habits of judgment and insecurity. But I’m committed to this path of self-reflection and growth. I’m working on being kinder to others, and in turn, being kinder to myself.
As I continue to navigate this new chapter of my life, I’m learning that it’s okay to be a work in progress. It’s okay to feel embarrassed or unsure at times. What matters is that I’m trying to be better—to judge less, to empathize more, and to embrace who I am, without fear of what others might think.
This experience at the salon reminded me that judgment is often a reflection of our own insecurities. By recognizing that, I’m taking steps to not only change how I see others but also how I see myself. And that’s a journey worth taking.
Looking Ahead
Moving forward, I’m committed to continuing this work—both internally and in how I interact with the world. I’m learning that it’s not just about stopping judgment, but about cultivating a mindset of openness, curiosity, and compassion. It’s about being willing to see the world through a lens of understanding and letting go of the fears and insecurities that fuel judgment in the first place.
This isn’t an easy journey, but it’s one that I believe is worth taking. By confronting my own flaws and working to overcome them, I’m not only becoming a better person, but I’m also creating space for more authentic connections with those around me. And in the end, that’s what truly matters.
So here I am, sharing this reflection with you—not because I have it all figured out, but because I’m on the journey, just like everyone else. I’m learning to be okay with where I’m at, and to embrace the process of growth, no matter how slow or uncertain it might be.
And maybe, just maybe, by sharing this, I can help someone else on their own journey of self-discovery and acceptance.
